If the Rainbow Bridge exists, will the calves and chickens and pigs we have eaten be waiting for us too, but with a less welcoming demeanor than our beloved pets ?
I ask because this afternoon I took dear old Roswell to the vet and only one of us returned home.
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| Snoozing three days ago in front of the fire |
Over the last few days Roswell showed obvious signs of having difficulty getting enough air into his lungs. His thin sides heaved from the effort.
The vet listened to his heart and lungs, informed me he was in heart failure and said "It's time".
I suspected when I went that that would be the outcome, but part of me hoped...
It's at times like this that you realize what a painful thing love can be. That silly sweet pain in the ass cat had no idea that as I held him and stroked him in his fuzzy blanket that he was about to die. I stroked him and cried quiet tears. My head still aches from those tears and tears. At the time I could see how he fought to breathe -- and then he didn't. It's rare to see the reality of death. Here now. Now gone. GONE not to be called back by all the love in the world. Comforting words spoken. "Just sleep sweetie. Just go to sleep". Then wishing those eyes would open and gaze upon you one more time but knowing that you would not wish him back into this realm the way he was.
Yup. Love hurts.
Still ...
I missed his shrill "meow" as I walked back in the door; tonight I'll miss his nudges as he demands I lift the bed sheets so that he can track his litter covered paws into my bed and I'll miss his painful snaggle tooth scraping across my cheek asking for attention.
I know Roswell is out of pain and he didn't suffer fear about death. That is left to me. To wonder where my little friend is now and where I will go when it is my turn.
And if we will see each other again.
What do you think ?
Oh Dear Sybil... I am saddened for you. Losing a pet, a companion, like this is incredibly hard. He has witnessed the last decade or more of your life. The retirement, relocating, and relocating again, the hardships, the joys, the menagerie's growth and changes over the years. He has been with you through it all, and saying 'goodbye' is so hard. I don't know if we have an afterlife, but I do know that we keep ones we love alive in our memories, by talking about them, and looking at their images. Lovely pictures you have here of Roswell. Love and hugs to you.xo Stacey
ReplyDeleteThanks hon.
DeleteLove you.
I'm so very sorry, Sybil.
ReplyDeleteThanks Susan.
DeleteSo sorry to hear your sad news Sybil :-( Our pets are members of our families, and having to say good-bye is so hard. I don't know if there is a Rainbow Bridge for pets or all animals or people or all living beings... but it's OK to believe in something if it helps you deal with your sadness. I like to think my mom is a star in the sky looking down on me and seeing that I'm doing OK. Hugs to you Sybil....
ReplyDeleteThanks my friend.
DeleteAahh Sybil. My heartfelt sympathy to you. The thought of losing one of my own dear fur babies weighs more heavily each year as they grow older. I wish we could hold them forever. But I do believe they are angels sent to live and comfort us like no human truly can. Wishing you fond memories of Roswell in the days ahead. Meow Cat
ReplyDeleteThanks Cindy.
DeleteI believe you'll see each other again. Roswell will be right up front of the group to welcome you.
ReplyDeleteIt's a lovely thought for sure.
DeleteSybil, I am sorry for your loss and pain. Losing a family member is always a terrible thing. I read somewhere that you never "get over" the pain, you just learn how to deal with it. Sending you big hugs. Sara
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure whether I'm average as I seem to be OK with his passing. I think sometimes my lack of visual memory protects me from some of the emotional pain ...
DeleteMy condolences -- I'm sure Roswell had a wonderful and happy life with you. At the end, you gave him the greatest gift we can give our pets -- a peaceful and painless passage without suffering. Hugs to you today.
ReplyDeleteThanks Debra. Knowing you did the right thing in spite of your own emotional pain relieves the guilt.
DeleteI am so sorry to hear of Roswell's passing. He was such a unique cat. We'll miss him too. Hugs
ReplyDeleteI overheard a group of (older) women(of which I probably am one, agewise) discussing why they don't have pets: "Fur everywhere" "Boarding fees when you travel" "They take so much TIME" "They want to sleep on the bed, they get on the furniture." And I thought, you have all missed the point; the "problem" with having pets is that they are only with us for such a short time.
ReplyDeleteI am sorry for your loss. Ellen in Oregon
Thanks Ellen. I'm glad those women didn't have pets. They clearly don't get the relationship we have with them ...
DeleteOh, Sybil, I'm so sorry for your loss. All the pictures of Roswell you shared are such a sweet and loving tribute.
ReplyDeleteHonestly, I have no idea where we go when we or our beloved pets die. I don't believe in heaven or hell but sometimes I entertain the idea of a parallel universe. I've felt my mother's presence often since she died but I am okay with the uncertainty about this at this point in my life. (When I was younger I wasted a lot of time looking for a definitive answer.) I will have to wait and see... And I do think lives of the animals we eat are just as precious as the lives of our pets. *hugs*
Oh Barbara, I like how you talking about the amount of time spent looking for a definitive answer. There was a time in my life when I was "sure" of that answer but I have rejected that path in favour of uncertainty.
DeleteAh Sybil, my heart breaks for you in the loss of your Roswell. I went through the same hurt when Sadie died in my arms at the vet. I still think of her so much, and sometimes the ache rises up in my heart even after 3years. Hugs to you.
ReplyDeleteBonnie, doing the right thing is hard but right. I'm not sure if it's because I lack a visual memory I find myself not as broken hearted now as I think others might be.
DeleteSybs, I'm sorry to read about dear Roswell. You gave him a beautiful life which most animals would only hope for. Love you and big hugs, xo Julie
ReplyDeleteThanks Julie. I think I owe you a phone call. We need to catch up. Hugs.
Deletexoxoxo it's the hardest thing I've ever done - to say that big goodbye to one of adored cats or dogs. Sending a ton of love to you & your gang
ReplyDeleteThanks so much Susan. The house seems empty with just five animals. ;-)
Delete